everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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