i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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