HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
