3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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