I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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