She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
