Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
