At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
