it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
