life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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