Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
