I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
