Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
