I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
