I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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