I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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