she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
