just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
