Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
