I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
