the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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