im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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