ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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