Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
