I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
