You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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