I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
