you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
