I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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