I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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