I'm going to jail i love you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
