I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
