don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
