you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
