I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I love you. Go after that dick
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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