I must be too annoying 4 u.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
