So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
