I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
