I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
