im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
