So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
