Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
