hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
