My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
