Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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