All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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