Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
