oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
