my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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