i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
